Every year I create a vision board, a collection of intentions and goals for the year ahead. I hold these things lightly, as life doesn’t always go according to plan. However, as the midpoint of the year approaches, I’ve been reflecting on what has unfolded so far. Some things have taken shape, while others have fallen away, and that is OK. But as I reflected I found myself remembering how I used to be very focused on making things happen. I can see that this drive came from a history of major life transitions that were out of my control and the fact that setting goals offered a way of feeling I had some stability. This got me thinking about attachment styles and life transitions.
Attachment style is the lens through which we relate to others and ourself. According to psychologist John Bowlby, there are four main attachment styles:
- Avoidant – tends to rely on self and struggle to trust others
- Anxious – seeks closeness but fears rejection
- Disorganised – swings between connection and withdrawal, often rooted in trauma
- Secure – able to trust both self and others
When we are in the midst of change, these patterns tend to surface:
- An avoidant person may isolate, trying to manage everything alone
- An anxious person may feel overwhelmed or overly dependent on others
- A disorganised person may struggle to find stability. They may oscillate between trying to manage everything and leaning on others.
- A secure person is more likely to reach out for support and trust themselves to cope
In essence, this means that as well as trying to navigate change we are also grappling with embedded patterns that aren’t always supportive. The good news is that attachment styles can change through awareness and gentle support.
While it’s difficult to change attachment patterns during a transition, these periods can reveal our default responses and that awareness is the first step toward healing. Then, when life has settled, time can be spent gently supporting the development of a more secure way of relating.
If this post has resonated with you, you may find these journaling prompts helpful. They are designed to offer the opportunity for some mid-year reflection.
Journaling Prompts for Mid-Year Reflection
Take a few quiet moments with these prompts. They’re designed to bring clarity and self-compassion:
- What has this year revealed about the way I respond to change?
- When faced with uncertainty, do I tend to withdraw, seek reassurance, or stay balanced?
- What patterns do I notice in how I relate to myself and others during transitions?
- What would it look like to support myself with more trust and gentleness?
- What might I be ready to let go of from my original vision for the year?
Transitions can stir up old wounds, but they can also open a path to deeper self-understanding.
If this resonates and you’d like to explore your own patterns in a supportive space, I invite you to reach out:
Email me at hello@belindabennetts.co.uk
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